These days.

Thanks a lot for making me homesick, D 😦 BUT! Happy holidays to the both of you! And let’s please surf when I get back? I’m pretty sure someone still has possession of my 8’6″ somewhere. Maybe you should make use of it – it’s a pretty fun board!

Sew Irie [by Sweet D]

I just threw this video together on iMovie earlier today with some footage from Shane and I’s go pro. This is the first time I’ve made any kind of video or done any kind of editing since getting my BA in Journalism three and a half years ago…

Anyway, I’ve been wanting to put this song on YouTube because I couldn’t find a decent version of it anywhere!

Love Psychedelico “These Days”

And I took the time to translate out (brokenly via online Japanese translators) the lyrics in Romaji and English:

愛の唄を歌おうメッセージ
(Ai no uta o utaou MESSEEJI)
[Message will sing the song of love]

I wanna be a cowgirl

風に揺られながら君へふと
(Kaze ni yurarenagara kimi e futo)
[Suddenly to you while being tossed in the wind]

I love you

夢を見ないのは mistake
(Yume wo minai no wa mistake)
[It’s not dreaming mistake]

好きにやるようで half way
(Suki ni yaru you de halfway)
[Half…

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2014.

So today is the second day of the year 2014. I still am left in a state of “low” – most probably due to intaking four pills of ecstacy New Year’s Eve – but from what I can gather from any positive emotion left in me at this moment, I’d say that it’s off to a great start.

This year, New Year’s Eve had been celebrated at the WaMu Theater in downtown seattle for an event called “Resolution 2014”. The line up? Emma Hewitt, Nervo, Knife Party, Above & Beyond, and many others including local up-and-coming DJ’s to look out for. My roommate and I had decided on going to this as soon as we found out that there was a regular rave outing for the last day of the year, and whether it would have been only us two who were going to celebrate it together, we were perfectly fine with that.

Fortunately, our group of friends who we normally enjoy the rave scene with (although a smaller number of them) were also planning to go, and I even found out a recent friend/co-worker of mine back from Hawaii had decided to move up to Washington a week or two prior to this event.  This left us elated, and our excitements had heightened.

I’m pretty much getting the gist of myself being high on ecstacy. First, the numbing feeling that starts in my lower half of my body, most commonly felt with any substance I have experimented with. And although I love to dance, the feeling of me and only me who’s dancing starts to set in, and when you see your other friends (who are probably also rolling hard on the drug) start to feel the music, too, my dancing turns into some sort of an aggresive, gay gogo-dancer who won’t take a break for the seven hour entirety of the concert. I then realize when I have reached my peak when my perceptions of the color of lights and sound are so heightened, nothing but a huge smile on my face is the only thing that results from experience…well…ecstacy.

I do realize that the drug itself is rather damaging to the brain – affects memory, cognitive thinking, as well as other long-term consequences. But for the four times that I have tried this drug, the people who I have met and shared these happy and positive experiences with are definitely something I treasure. I know what you’re thinking – druggies hang out only with druggies, or however that saying goes. But with these specific group of people, doing things outside of the rave scene that is called “life”, which all of us had before meeting each other, is something that we all enjoy doing together as well. Sure, I’m looking forward to the next concert at the end of this month when Myon and Shane 54 and Late Night Alumni will take the stage at Showbox Sodo Nightclub. But to know that these individuals are interested in either snowboarding (soberly), having a few dinners and happy hours (semi-soberly), or hanging out at any one of their house’s to watch some popular series currently airing on Netflix is something I had been looking for once I had settled in Seattle back in May 2013.

Whether other people fear that they may lose me to the drug, I can’t say that I don’t care – it’s mostly because I know that I can stop any time I choose to. I am not in a denial phase, because seriously, the day-after downers + sore jaw/tender lips/gums + virtually no appetite would be enough reasons for me to cut it out. matter of fact, I still haven’t eaten since New Year’s Eve, and even then, it was only two slices of pizza (constipation makes me so angry, you have no idea). But practicing this in moderation, at most, once a month, is something I would not mind doing since I know that whether I chose to drop or not, most of these individuals will be here for me while I am still here in Seattle. 

So to Carrie, Sam, Shon, Will, Shane, and Adaly, I couldn’t have imagined celebrating New Year’s Eve without you all. Thank you for a really great time, and I hope the rest of everyone also joins in for our next outing. Until then, PLUR.

90’s.

current emotions paired with appropriateness.

love.

love isn’t a thought process where a person should be logical in choosing who is the best person to love. rather, love is an emotion – you just fucking feel it.

whether it develops over time without you realizing its onset, or when you first meet that someone – you just know the feeling when it hits you.

so why the hell do people contemplate about it so much?

“does he have money,” or “does he have future goals” are all questions pertaining to one’s ideals. however, “does he care for me like how I care for him,” or “will he be there for me through the tough times” are questions pertaining to another’s attractiveness, and those are the only logical questions that should come into play.

as a man, yes, I can agree that physical attraction plays some – if not, a good chunk – of a role, but falling for someone who you once thought was not easy on the eyes is denying yourself the happiness that you’re probably desperately seeking. I mean, why restrain yourself if both of you have the same mutual feelings towards each other?

love is not something you should have to think about. just open your heart, feel it, and fucking enjoy that happiness with another person who’s also enjoying it. it really isn’t all that complicated…

relaxation.

just got through completing my final final exam for the fall quarter. sex and the city marathon, starting from season 1. warmer, 40-degree cloudy weather. vodka/cran placed beside me. ’tis going to be a great day.

Diversion.

For the fucking life of me, I can’t seem what is causing me to preoccupy myself with all these do-it-yourself projects today – gingerbread house constructing, recyclable wooden pallet shelves making, and chopping a christmas tree down at a farm day – but it feels great. As much as my attention-deficit had allowed me to move from project to project, I now find that twelve hours had passed.

But why? I mean, perhaps I do know why and I am reluctant to admit it to myself, but seriously!

Perhaps this might be my first ‘holiday blues’ that I will (or am) experience…I’m not so sure. If only they sold serotonin over-the-counter.

Oh, christmas tree decorating time?

Submission.

I suppose I am a person who values my own pride because if it’s one thing that I absolutely hate doing is to expose my vulnerabilities. To adhere to and respect someone of higher status or more knowledgeable than I am? I’m Asian – we were programmed to follow that shit. But to confess that my heart has fallen for another individual makes me feel…well…some weak trait that even I can’t describe in words.

But yes, I have. I have fallen. I am definitely not buzzing on alcohol or ecstasy, and I am aware that my desire to want to share my feelings mutually with another guy is present. And even though I had mustered up the courage to have said this to him and had gotten shot down politely by him, my feelings had – and still are – persisting which is something of a rarity for me. Of course, feelings comes and goes like the tides for me. My astrological sign’s element is water, after all. But to still have thought about how he was doing in general in the midst of my lust for another individual at the time was probably some indication that maybe this is something more. 

So how do I go about it? I mean, I had already stated my intentions, so I’m sure that waiting patiently would be the next step. Waiting in vain is a possible result, but forcing something onto someone is never an option. The amount of time from then until now was long enough for me to process my thoughts, and I have concluded that I think I am in love with him. His passions towards things I had rarely paid attention to is being shown at a different angle for me, and how joyful it is to let him share it to me in hopes of me gaining understanding and enjoyment. Vice versa, as well.

Yet alas, perhaps it is I who needs to learn the virtue of patience. Analyzing situations logically was never my strong point as I flow through life as it comes via intuition and feelings, which may be the reason why I tend to get so restless when others are weighing out the positive and negative consequences. I am no miser, but I definitely would like to hear some answers to calm my anxious spirit.

Optimistically hoping in Bothell…

Dear Heo Yoon,

Please accept my invitation of fucking around with me after oiling each other up with coconut oil. I understand that in ancient Roman times, olive oil had been used traditionally for wrestling, but I find coconut oil to be a more long-lasting lubricant while keeping any micro-flora in check.

Waiting patiently in Seattle,

Yours.

Awkward.

About ten years ago while I had been attending school for Japan, a yearly physical was pretty much mandatory for students.  Especially international ones like me, where vaccinations were to be kept current, etc., etc.  But when you’re hormones are all out of whack due to puberty and find yourself living in an extremely homogenous society, the tyranny of abstinence due to lack of hot males can make one go crazy. Add to the mix that at the time (and even now, still, to a lesser extent) gay culture was highly taboo to discuss in Japanese society, and I have basically found myself always on a mission for any form of sexual pleasure derived from another person.

Enter Hayashida-Issha san (Dr. Hayashida). I cannot really tell you how I can still remember his name until this day, but I can definitely relive and replay the memory that is ever-so tangible in my mind on cue.

So basically, the process of receiving a physical examination is the same in Japan as it was back in the States; vitals and a series of history-of-health questions. I was anticipating having my MD cup my testicles to check out my lower parts, but I had no idea a prostate exam was in order for me.  

So Hayasshida-Issha, about 5’11”, 170lbs of just wonderful muscle mass rare to most Japanese males, and his shiny, short-medium hairstyle parted in the middle of his head without gel, was explaining the procedure as he was conducting my physical. The warmth and smell of his breath while his face was directly in front of mine. Staring deeply into his eyes while he performed the ocular portion of the exam. The heavy rise of my breathing as he placed his hands and stethoscope around various places on my upper torso. His slim fitting coat that accentuated his V-shaped torso from his waist and above. Before I knew it, arousal had overtaken me and that erection would soon be inevitable.  

“zenritusen chekku shiyou to surun desu kedo, ochituite iki wo site ne” (I am going to now check your prostate so just relax) he had told me.

The physical beauty of this man was just so refreshing to see, and I found myself completely hard.  And although I hadn’t expressed my desires verbally to him, there was no doubt he knew about the intentions that I held in my mind towards him.  But like a professional, he had proceeded on with the exam with my erect dick in front of him.  As he lowered himself into a squatting position, I look down to see the top of his head and how badly did I want for him to have given me a blowjob.  With lubrication self-applied all over one of his fingers, he slowly inserted his latex-wrapped appendage into my anal cavity, and I found myself rolling my eyes shut as my head tilted back.  The sensation of hair had been felt on the palm of my right hand – I just had realized it about three seconds later when I had tilted my head forward and opened my eyes to my own awareness of reality.

Yes. I rubbed my right hand and fingers through his hair on his head.

Of course, nothing sexually had happened between the two of us after I had came to my senses.  The exam had concluded with an awkward eye-contact, mine showing embarrassment and fear while his showed confusion and slight anger.  Needless to say, I had passed my physical exam for me to have been able to register for classes at school, and I never saw Hayashida-Issha San again.  I still wonder if he is as good-looking as he was back then, with him probably being in his early 40’s as of today.  But all I can do is imagine what sex would have been like with a 30-something year old while I was still just a teenager.

Hey, don’t blame me – the popular movie “American Pie” made it seem cool with fantasizing about those older than you through the term “MILF”…or in my case, “DILF”.

I Die.

Ian. Anthony. Dale.

First laid eyes on this guy on an episode of ‘Cold Case’ some odd years ago.  And who do I see while watching a rerun of one of my favorite shows (which unfortunately, had gotten cancelled)?

 

Boom, Kanani.  All this Japanese, English, and French gorgeousness.